Retrospective

Here are some of my retrospective's! I will be writing these every day, so keep up! These retrospectives will be written at the heat of the moment, and will be loosely edited. It will show you guys my ideas, and my interests. I will also talk about the meaning of life, and how I feel about certain things. I hope you all enjoy!

June 17, 2010

Write about my feelings on life and the universe. Why I love life, and how it affects me and how I function. Before, I was confused and lost in my own self loathing, the fact that I was confused will happen no longer. Now I am enlightened, I understand that life is a long journey, and to be upset and linger over the past is futile. Seize the day, and not worry about the people who are less than you, who are 0’s. Worry about creation and art, not social norms of the lazy population. After watching Waking Life last night I feel a sort of enlightenment, an understanding to my conundrum. What was my conundrum? I felt lost, and I felt confused. I’ve always felt attached to people who don’t care about me, like I do for them. I’m a kind and generous person, who cares too much. These feelings I felt where unlike any feelings I’ve felt before. To be worried and confused about my lack of friends, and how my friends treat me is basically pointless. Now, I understand that it Is not the friends I have and the things I do that make who I am, it’s the things I create and imagine with my beautiful mind, and my expanding imagination. What matters in life is not partying, meeting numerous amounts of people, getting laid, going to the beach everyday; it’s about fulfilling your destiny, understanding what you are good at and take your imagination and creativity to a whole new level. Learning, is the most important asset anyone can obtain, so is the human interaction. That uncomfortable first encounter is so beyond any drug or orgasm, it’s beautiful.

My friend is moving away soon, and even though we don’t hang out much, I still feel a certain amount of loss. I really don’t know why, but it keeps on buzzing through my head. I constantly think about why he is doing this, how he could be so ignorant to move away, and why he could easily leave me behind for people who he’s just made friends with. My friend has always been like this. He’s always the life of the party, unlike me. People flock around him, because he has interesting things to say, and he holds himself in a confident way. Why I can’t do this, I thought. But, I realized that after all my waking hours of thinking I have no confidence, and believing that I don’t have a lot of friends, and that who I am, and what I represent is laughable, is not true. I’ve accomplished a lot in my life, and I am far from being a 0, I am consistently working to be a 1. What is the difference between me, and my friend who is moving away? Other than the fact that he is a social butterfly and I am not. He is a 0. He is in that ring with the rest of society. He lives for the party, and he has all the friends, but what and how, will it amount for him? Not much really. The human interaction, love, and friendship is what we need, but in moderation, and if it takes away from the real important things in life, than you are giving into excess. He is still a good friend of mine, but with the numerous days of salsa dancing with my confusion, I’ve finally realized that I don’t need to be hung up on the past, I don’t have to be hard on myself because I don’t have as much friends as my friend does. What I realized is that creativity, and the human emotion is far more important than getting laid, or knowing you are the life of the party. Writing, filmmaking, music, and creativity are my life. I will further myself as an artist and a writer to gain the status of being a 1. No longer is it necessary for me to be hung up on the past. I have to look towards the future; whenever I hang out with my friends, I will know that I am working towards something that is far more important than them. I know that when I hang out with my friends, I am amused with their lack of understanding of the true meaning of our universe, and that I am one step ahead of them in the game, the game of life. Because, that really is all life is, it’s a long stream of stories that begin and end, but what is the constant through all that insanity and confusion? Creativity, art, writing, music, and creation is that constant. The 1’s are working to further this world, while the 0’s stay happily in their menial, and self depredating world. Before Waking Life, I was taking something that is so menial, and unimportant to the grand scheme of things, that I believed that my life was useless, and that who I am, and what I do is not worth it. I was wrong. Maybe Life isn’t always about who you are friends with, and how many friends you have. It all matters upon you, and your life story. It matters whether you want to be a 0 or a 1.

Today I will hopefully be watching Session 9, and later I will be writing with Vinny. Talk to you soon.